I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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