dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
