Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
