probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
