He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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