Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize