ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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