he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
