Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
