Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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