Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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