You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
