It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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