eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
