Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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