a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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