No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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