How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
