In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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