Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
