We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
