when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
