Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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