Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
