there's paper in my vomit.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
