you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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