there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
