Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
