my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
