So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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