Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
