It's like a parade of train wrecks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you bring me the toilet please
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
