i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
