WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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