Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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