i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
