He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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