Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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