You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
