According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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