toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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