if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
where am i from again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
