Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
