Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
