I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
