Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
