I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
