New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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