the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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