she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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