I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
