I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He better not be in your backpack
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
