Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
