Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
