guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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