They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
