Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
