Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
