Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
