I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
