Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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