I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
