im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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