my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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