when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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