so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think i have herpe
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?