I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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