smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.