i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
