I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
