I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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