dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
